Some of you may recognize that from Good Morning, Vietnam. The rest of you just think I'm weird.

After catching yet another sleeper train (our third in five nights--ouch), we arrived in Dong Hoi. It is on the coast and we stayed at a lovely beach resort with the most amazing sand. But the only real reason to visit here is the nearby Phong Nha - Ke Bang underground river and cave system. It is the world's longest underground river. Although it is now a UNESCO World Heritage Site, nobody outside of Vietnam has ever heard of it until now. Matt and I were the ONLY non-Vietnamese tourists there. Out of many hundreds of people. So, if you ever go to Vietnam, be sure to check this place out. It was truly amazing.

On our way south, we visited the Vinh Muoc tunnels. During the fighting with US troops, the villagers dug out and lived in these tunnels off and on for a number of years. They were dark, hot, very small, and not easy to get around. But they had everything the villagers needed, including a maternity ward. 17 babies were born there.

Our next stop was the Hien Luong Bridge over the Ben Hai River, which is roughly aligned with the 17th parallel of lattitude. This was the boundary established by the Geneva Conference to separate North Vietnam from South Vietnam in 1954, after they fought for independence from France. It was also the mid-point of the DMZ, or demilitarized zone during the war that America was involved in.

Finally, we arrived in Hue, the homeland of a friend of ours (Hi, Vi!). We visited the Imperial Citadel, which was very architecturally interesting. From a historical perspective, it has seen a lot of fighting - most recently during the Tet Offensive of 1968. The Vietnamese are slowly catching on that they should keep their historic sites restored for the tourist dollars. This is one of the places they seem to have prioritized. In Hue, we also visited a few tombs and temples, all of which are set along the Perfume River. We took a boat out on the river (about 50 yards to the middle, where we stopped), and listened as some local musicians played Hue's traditional folk music. We also got to place paper lanterns in the river and make wishes on them. I must have forgotten to wish for health and wealth, and instead wished for something funny to happen, because all of a sudden the captain's eight-year-old daughter fell in the river. Not a problem, as she can swim just fine. But, man, did she look surprised.

Our next destination was Hoi An, which is basically a tourist town these days. It's an ancient city inspired by the Chinese and Japanese merchants that lived there. However, it's easy to miss the architectural joys when every building houses a souvenir shop. From Hoi An, we visited My Son Holy Land, which is a collection of ancient temples of the Cham people. These were nice, but not that impressive after seeing Angkor Wat a few weeks ago.

We flew to the vacation destination of Vietnamese locals, Nha Trang. We took a boat around some islands, which were all very crowded, snorkelled, then went back to the mainland to visit the mud baths, which were a new experience. Not much to report on Nha Trang, really.

Finally, we flew to Ho Chi Minh City (HCMC, or Saigon). We visited the Reunification Palace and the War Remnants Museum. It had a fascinating, and surprisingly non-propagandist, photojournalist exhibit.

We also visited the Mekong Delta. It's a good thing we went in a boat driven by a professional, because I would have been lost inside three minutes. There are all kinds of canals and stuff carved into the Delta, which of course saw lots of bombing during the war. But it's thriving now, with floating markets and tourist spots like the place where they show you how to make rice candy and rice paper, or the big muddy factory where they make bricks. Matt sampled some snake rice wine, which mostly tasted like it was infused with chili peppers. It was a relaxing two days of floating around the Mekong Delta, even with its many souvenir stops.

Today, we drove out to the country to see the Cao Dai religious order. These are people that have mixed Confucianism, Taoism, Christianity, and Buddhism, among other things, into a religion all their own. There are between 3 and 4 million Vietnamese that follow this strange sect. Did I mention the portrait of Victor Hugo, who is considered a "master," even though the religion began long after his death. Very strange. Very colorful temple, though, with lots of interesting imagery.

Finally, we visited the Cu Chi Tunnels. These were constructed by guerillas who fought against the Americans. The tunnels worked and the Americans were taken by surprise many times. This site was all about glorifying the Viet Cong as heroes, which was strange for me. It's like, "We killed your soldiers and defeated your country. Now give us $5 so you can see how we did it." We crawled through the tunnels for a number of yards. They are tiny and it really hurt to crouch over like that. And those are the tunnels that they expanded for Western tourists. The coolest thing we did, though, was shoot an AK-47 and an M16 at the Cu Chi Shooting Range. Don't ask me why they have one, but we couldn't resist the impulse to shoot something. Having fully explored the Cu Chi area, we headed back to Saigon to our favorite deli/restaurant/bar/gallery/internet cafe.

We head to China on Saturday, and we are very excited.

NOTE: I just finished re-reading this post, and I think I finally think it's funny. I caught myself laughing, so I must be past the trauma.

In this case, North Vietnam.

Matt and I have spent the past two days seeing the sights in Hanoi. "The sights" consist of the Ho Chi Minh Masouleum, the Ho Chi Minh Museum, Ho Chi Minh's house, Hanoi Hilton, the Army Museum, and a couple of very old Buddhist temples. As you can tell, "Uncle Ho" has been a central figure in our tour so far. At the museum, we were able to "follow Ho Chi Minh's thoughts and exemplary morality" through a series of oddly artistic displays (pictures will be posted someday).

Basically, most of the information here deals with the Vietnamese fight for independence from France. Very little is written anywhere about the war with America. For instance, there are only two very small rooms at the Hanoi Hilton about the American POWs held there. It mostly showed pictures of them playing ping pong and talking about how wonderful it was. And the Army Museum has a lot of captured planes and tanks and helicopters, but not many displays with explanations about why America was bombing Hanoi in the first place.

Despite the propaganda (which they have every right to), Hanoi is very lovely. It actually has a very European flavor to it, with most of the buildings built by the French. There are lovely tree-lined avenues and a number of large lakes where old people do their calisthenics and play badminton at 5:30 in the morning. And the food, in restaurants or on the street, is very tasty. But it's hot and we're heading south tonight, where it's actually supposed to be cooler.

Before trotting around Hanoi, we visited the tourist town of Sapa, way up north near China in the mountains. They aren't lying when they say it's the Alps of Vietnam. It is very pretty. There are hill tribes there that still wear traditional clothing (which they will attempt to sell to you off their backs), and terraced rice fields that make for some stunning photography. And, with an elevation similar to Denver, it's cooler there!

It's actually been a pretty exhausting week, but we're really enjoying it and can't wait to see what the rest of Vietnam has to offer.

Matt keeps complaining that I haven't posted, so here goes...

First, I would like to tell everyone about Dubai. Actually, before we got to Dubai, we flew on a lovely airline called Emirates. It is the best airline I have ever flown and only wish that I had the need to fly around the Middle East more often. We had planned to get some sleep on the overnight flight, but it was just too good to sleep through. The best part is that Emirates is often cheaper, because they own their own fuel and don't heave on that hefty fuel surcharge.

We got to Dubai (as Matt mentioned, they didn't even check for Israeli stamps), and the first thing we noticed is it was HOT. Like really hot. Like 110 degrees HOT. But that wasn't a problem, because everything is very air-conditioned, and everyone avoids the outdoors as much as possible.

We got to our hotel, had a nap and a shower, and headed out to Friday brunch (Friday is like Sunday in Dubai). While we couldn't justify the expense of getting a room at the Burj al-Arab, we did manage to talk ourselves into eating there. Brunch was amazing. King crab legs, prawns, two kinds of lobster, six kinds of caviar, foie gras, asparagus with shaved truffles, the best tableside-carved roast beef I've ever tasted. I could go on and on. It was delicious and we were there for three and a half hours. The views from the 27th floor were outstanding as well. We were actually able to make out the Palm and the construction of the World. The lobby and atrium defied description. Arab opulence at its best. I loved every second of it.

From brunch we delved straight into the other Dubai pasttime - shopping. While it is a deal for most of the world to shop in Dubai, the prices are pretty much in line with (or maybe a slight bit more than) America. However, there are some things we needed that just couldn't wait (sunglasses, SLR camera), so we happily bought them duty-free in Dubai. The mall was nice, but now that we've seen the malls in Bangkok, I'm not as impressed.

The next day, we did the only other thing you can do in Dubai when it's that hot. We went to Wild Wadi Waterpark. It was great. The slides actually propel you up! It's like a roller-coaster in a tube. We had a ton of fun, and Matt worked at boogie-boarding on the fake waves. It looked a lot harder than I would have imagined. Wild Wadi is also a strange cultural experience. Obviously, there are a lot of conservative Muslims who prefer to remain fairly modestly dressed, so you saw lots of girls in t-shirts and lightweight capri pants on the slides. You also saw tons of Westerners in little bikinis. And lots of hairy men in speedos. I did see one woman in a full-on burkha walking her little boy around the park. She was not wet, so I guess the burkha is a little too much for the slides. They also have ladies' nights once a week, so I guess everyone gets their chance to enjoy the slides. All of this is in the shadow of the Burj al-Arab hotel.

That was about all we managed to do with our two days and one night in Dubai. After a shower back at the hotel, it was time to head to the airport for another overnight flight (2 overnight flights in 3 nights!) to Bangkok. Alas, it was on Thai Airways, not Emirates, so I did get some sleep.

As for everything we've done in Thailand since Matt posted about Bangkok and Koh Tao, it's pretty much been your basic beach vacation. We left Koh Tao and headed for the Indian Ocean side of Thailand. My birthday present was the resort we stayed at on Koh Phi Phi Don (actually a pretty good deal in the low season). We explored the island and Koh Phi Phi Ley (where Leonardo DiCaprio's "Beach" is located). We were generally just very lazy. A couple of days ago, we came to Railay Bay, which is back on the mainland. We took a Thai cooking class yesterday, so I can now make Tom Yum soup and Pad Thai. Matt is doing some rock-climbing today. I'll hit the spa soon (Thailand has the best value massages in the world). We want to go diving tomorrow. And Wednesday, we are going kayaking and snorkelling at Hong Island. And that's it. Thursday we fly to Siem Reap, Cambodia. We are staying for three nights just to visit Angkor Wat, then we're heading to Vietnam for the rest of July.

That was quite a post. I hope you (and Matt) liked it.